


And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky)

by natashova



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pepper Potts is actually finally done with Tony, Steve Rogers Isn't An Idiot, Steve challenges Tony and it ends all cute and hopeful there, This goes from angsty to chaotic real quick, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natashova/pseuds/natashova
Summary: Tony Stark is one of the richest men in the world. His phone contacts stretch from Aniston to Zuckerberg, with hundreds in-between. And yet, when the stars shine in the sky and the sun hides below the horizon, he feels like the loneliest man in the known world.Alternatively:Tony struggles to comprehend romance, and Steve won't stop showing up on his balcony.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 57





	And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Redated from a few months back because I made significant changes to the end and it's basically a different story now. I hope you enjoy!

Tony Stark is one of the richest men in the world. His phone contacts stretch from Aniston to Zuckerberg, with hundreds in-between. And yet, when the stars shine in the sky and the sun hides below the horizon, he feels like the loneliest man in the known world.

During the day, he manages to find something to keep him busy. He works on the armour, making the tiniest detailed tweaks and the craziest overhauls. He allows Bruce to introduce him to strange teas, carefully sipping out of bone china cups and categorising flavours. He even does the paperwork Pepper sends him, despite the fact that seeing her email address still makes him shudder unhappily. Add in a couple of stray thoughts about a certain Captain, and his mind is well-occupied.

Sometimes Tony tries bargaining with the universe, asking the sun to stay high in the sky, begging even. But the universe does not make bargains, and so every night as the moon makes its appearance, he curses the sunset and brightens the lights.

Until 47 days ago, one of Tony's favourite things to do was to sit out on the balcony at the dead of night. In the city that never sleeps, he could watch the world be busy without him as he nursed a glass of something aged and expensive. Occasionally Pepper would join him, and the gentle consistency of the traffic noise combined with the moonlight encouraged them to open up to each other. 

The last time that she joined him under the stars was- well. Tony still hasn't quite found a word for the way that she, with brutal efficiency, told him that their relationship just wasn't that kind of love. He had dropped the glass off the edge of the balcony.

Watching it fall was almost poetic. The cut crystal of the glass glinted wildly, reflecting every light in the city back into the eyes of the broken-hearted man that watched. He heard her walk away just as it hit the sidewalk, breaking into a million billion pieces. 

That was 47 days ago. Now, whenever he thinks of the midnight balcony, all he sees is the shattered remains of the crystalline glass 40 floors below- and the shattered remains of his trust in love.

That same bleak night Pepper packed up and left, jetting off to run the business in Malibu, leaving Tony alone in the expanse of the penthouse. Only when she'd gone did Tony realise just how desolate the cold, sleek space was. He'd grown used to the gentle feminine touches, but they had all been hastily grabbed and thrown into the hangar of the jet. It was almost like she'd never walked through his door, never walked into his heart.

For the first few days after the breakup, he shut himself in his workshop and worked. And worked, and worked, and kept working until his brain shut down and he collapsed on the floor, passing out for a few hours before he woke up jarred and disoriented. And then he repeated, working his way through a lifetime's supply of liquors.

Eventually, his joints started complaining about the rough treatment and even the large expanse of his workshop made him jittery and painfully claustrophobic. Tony found himself in the lift to the common room, suddenly achingly desperate for some form of human interaction.

Over the course of the next few weeks, he spends his waking hours around the team, much to their obvious surprise- they were much more accustomed to his absence. 

He built new bridges, he made loose threads into exquisite tapestries, and the team had never seen such an altruistic, kind-hearted Tony Stark. But he never before had felt so disconnected from the world. Pepper had been his rock, his anchor, his everything. And despite gaining such deep connections with the people around him, he still felt as though he was trapped behind a wall of crystalline glass, looking in.

Even the ugliest truths show their faces eventually.

All it took was an old photograph, tucked behind the others on the shelf in the common room. Natasha had been describing, in great detail, an old mission with Clint, when she asked Tony to get the photo in the red frame, far left. He got up and moved to the shelf, allowing himself a small smile at the memories, and- what?

Next to the red frame was a small silver one, embellished with rubies. He saw himself, eyes shimmering with adoration, throwing his head back with laughter at something Pepper had said. And there she was, carefree and… well, he thought that sparkle in her eyes had looked like love. She was smiling at him in a way he only ever saw on their best days. Smiling like he was an idiot, but _her_ idiot.

He was hers. And now he was nothing. But was he ever?

His eyes fought back tears, and he lost a fair amount of his composure. Maybe he was being dramatic, but never before had he felt such… anguish. But anguish turned to anger and before he knew it, Tony had picked up the frame and hurled it across the room, where it hit the ground loudly and smashed the glass. A ruby rolled along the wood and ended up back at his feet. He kicked at it with a growl, and barely even registered the shocked stares from his teammates.

"Tony?" Natasha spoke tentatively, "Tony, it's alright. You're allowed to hurt."

"Bullshit." He paused. "J, have this cleaned up."

Without sparing anyone a second glance, he left the room swiftly and went back to his penthouse.

Now, it's been about a week since Tony's outburst and despite increasingly concerned comments from JARVIS, he hasn't left the penthouse for even a second. All he sees is how he lost control and acted irrationally, how he made a fool of himself. All he hears is his father, and his cruel mantra: "Stark men are made of iron." 

"Sir, if I may-"

"What is it, JARVIS? I swear if it's not important I'll donate you to the DMV."

"That shan't be necessary," JARVIS replies, entirely unfazed by the threat of eternal paperwork. "I would merely like to inform you that Captain Rogers has returned from Brussels."

Tony sighs. God, he really is a dick sometimes. "Sorry, J."

"Do try not to worry sir, you neglected to give me the capacity to be offended, therefore I am unaffected by your choice of threat."

Smiling half-heartedly, Tony slumps down on the couch with a glass of bourbon, staring out of the window.

He and Steve had started off rocky, but after their original testosterone-fuelled arguments, they calmed down and became tentative friends. This was considered a minor (major) miracle at the time, due to Tony's astute lack of giving a fuck about his social life. They developed an easy, amicable friendship built on hope and necessity.

After a month or so of quiet movie nights, long discussions and sparring, Tony found himself staring at the super soldier's biceps, because _goddamn_ were they a lovely sight. He mentally upgraded Steve from 'companions' to 'eye candy with a side of friendship'.

Despite Steve being _literal human perfection_ , Tony was telling the truth when he said nothing was going to happen. He didn't want it to, he was in a stable relationship and he had every intention to marry that woman. She'd even caught him staring once; she only gently chastised him with a "No new toys, Tony" and gave him that exasperated smile that he knew was reserved solely for him.

However, now, in the cold light of day, he was the forgotten toy on the shelf- with a brand new perspective on his relationship with Steve. He allowed himself to wonder whether, maybe, he could take a chance on a relationship with the other man.

There were two issues with this plan.

Firstly, he was still so confused about his feelings towards Pepper Potts. Was it romantic love? Was he just a desperate old fool?

The other issue with this ill-conceived idea to snag himself a super-soldier was that Steve wasn't currently in the tower. Or in America. He had left for Brussels a month ago to negotiate with some EU leaders, which left Tony in a strange, indecisive limbo.

Only now, Steve's back.

Tony's eyes snap up, refocusing on the skyline out of the window. Does he really want to pursue one of his friends, a teammate? Can his heart really handle it? The obvious answer to many would be a harsh no, but he has never been a man with finite love. He just very rarely finds someone worth giving any to. Yet on the other hand-

"Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting entry to the penthouse."

Without thinking, Tony says "Let him in."

A few seconds later, he realises that this may be a terrible idea. What does he do? What does he say? Is he ready for this?

Before he can spiral even further into mania, the lift doors open to reveal Steve Rogers in an extremely well-fitted suit.

"Hey, Tony."

"Hi- Hey. Steve. You good? Cause I'm good. One hundred and ten percent good, no, twenty." He starts rambling, not trusting himself to leave any silence.

Steve raises an eyebrow. "Are you done?" Tony looks away, slightly embarrassed at being called out. "Am I missing something, Tony? I was expecting to find you moping, or shut up in the lab with the suits."

"I decided not to mope? I did socialisation with the team and everything."

Steve took a moment and looked him in the eyes. Sometimes they do this; he can see straight into the inventor's soul if he looks hard enough.

"You're sad. Unimaginably so."

Tony is about to butt in with a snarky comment, something along the lines of "Obviously, Pepper checked out of Casa du Stark," but Steve speaks again.

"You're also nervous, and a little happy. Your head has always been a busy place, Tones." Steve's brow is furrowed, undoubtedly trying to work out the story in the depths of his friend's eyes. 

"You're thinking too hard, that's my job. Try not to give yourself an aneurysm, Cap, we need you and your fifty stars on the team."

Steve, completely ignoring the comment, speaks again. "Have you been out on the balcony recently, Tony?"

He flinches. Feels the onslaught, rushing over him like the-

The night after the Battle of New York was the first of many under the stars. He sat out on the balcony, windows blown out behind him, a glass of brandy on the ground next to him.

Up until that day, Tony's life had been like endurance racing- 24 Hours of LeMons, full-on with minimal rest and a complete disregard for the time of day. But then aliens showed up, shit went down and Tony was so exhausted that he could do nothing but stop.

It was strange, after all this time, feeling his mind slow down. It was almost as if time itself was putting on the brakes, allowing him to truly feel the world around him. Because Tony was exhausted, and it seeped so deeply into his bones that his usual restlessness blew away with the wind, leaving him almost unsettlingly still.

The sky was darker than usual- many of the lights were damaged in the battle, and with the area cordoned off the only lights were coming from the tower itself. Therefore, there was a little less light pollution tonight, allowing some of the brighter stars to show themselves to whoever happened to be watching.

"It's a fine evening, isn't it?"

"Come to mock me, Rogers?" Tony snapped, convinced that the soft tone of voice was to make fun of him.

"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Steve sighed, "No, Stark. Just providing a little company."

He sat down on the ground next to Tony, and the two sat in a semi-comfortable silence for a few minutes. 

"Must be strange for you." Tony mused.

"Hm? What is?"

"Looking out on the city you should know like the back of your hand, and seeing a whole new world of inconceivable differences."

Steve briefly looked surprised, before quickly schooling his expression to thoughtful. He hadn't expected anything close to understanding from his arrogant teammate. "I- yeah. It's like waking from a fever dream and realising it bled into reality."

"I bet." Tony paused. "For what it's worth, I hope it, uh, gets easier. And other sympathetic things I should probably be saying, pretend I said them."

Steve chuckled. "Will do."

After their brief exchange, the two men sat in silence. But it wasn't an awkward silence, it was a peaceful quiet. Both knew their own brand of loneliness, and appreciated having someone else there (even if neither would admit it).

And, glancing over at Steve, Tony wondered if they might ever become friends.

That thought was very far from his mind a week later, when the two men were embroiled in a rather violent argument.

"Fuck you, Rogers. Who put _you_ in charge?"

"Director Fury." Steve was clearly unimpressed, and his raised eyebrow had even Tony feeling like a scolded child.

"Aw c'mon Stark," Clint butted in, "he's Captain America! Born leader, national icon, big muscles. And did I mention he's Captain America?"

"Nobody asked you, Huntress. And-"

Clint butted in _again_ , clearly offended. "Huntress? Dude, she uses a crossbow. As a weapon, crossbows are-"

Steve sighed. "Hawkeye, just don't."

He smartly backed out, grabbing his mug of coffee and jumping up into the vents.

Tony lost his train of thought whilst worrying about coffee spillages in his ventilation shaft. He shook his head and tried to remember what he was saying. "Anyway, almost all of Avengers funding comes from my bank account. Surely I get a say if I'm gonna throw my money at you. Right?"

Steve takes a moment to think about it, as the billionaire actually had a point. "Let's compromise. You can be second in command. I'll have it written up officially."

Tony huffed, unsure whether to be arrogantly offended or actually hurt. "Fine. Sure. You win, whatever." He stormed off, refusing to allow the hurt to show on his face.

As night fell, he found himself drifting out to the balcony. Turns out clearing his mind can actually be useful, rather than just clogging it up with science. It was a blissful few minutes with just the midnight air and a bottle of red. 

"I'm sorry if I offended you."

Tony jumped, not expecting the company, although he probably should've been. He turned his head, shooting his teammate a scathing glare.

"Fuck you forever, Spangles."

Steve huffed out a laugh, before deciding to retreat back inside after noticing he wasn't welcome.

Tony sat on the floor, taking a long swig from the wine bottle. Maybe he was being immature, but he was sick to death of being unappreciated. Tired of board members taking credit for ideas. Hated how Howard used to take anything smart Tony said and made it his own concept. And now, all his resources went entirely unappreciated.

He didn't sleep that night- instead, he sulked out on the balcony until the sun started to rise.

This is the point in the story where Pepper truly made a place for herself in Tony's heart. She swept him up in her life like a suited tornado, keeping him sane. Even when he wanted to wring Cap by the neck, she calmed him down and made him see some semblance of sense. And, as a byproduct, made him try even harder for the woman he truly didn't deserve.

Obviously she realised that.

"Tony!"

He startles out of his head at the sound of his name, spoken with a dash of worry and a large quantity of amusement. "Sorry Cap, you threw me there a bit." Tony blinks twice, dragging his thoughts back to the present.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it. Forget I said anything, really." Steve has his eyes on the ground, and he looks like a kicked puppy.

"No, I haven't."

Now Steve was genuinely surprised, and you could almost see the shock dancing in his eyes as he took in the open honesty. "You should. It's- uh, not like it was your couple thing. Unless it is now, because that's fine."

"Pepper didn't sit out there with me so often. Was beautiful when she did but… well, I guess it doesn't really matter now." Tony turns his eyes to the ground, begging himself to focus on anything except how beautiful those aqua eyes are. And how gorgeous those arms are. "Aw fuck." He mutters.

Then he takes a deep breath, mustering up some semblance of courage from within. "Steve?"

"Yes, Tony?"

"Pepper, she and I… no. We. We were- strange? Together. I loved her with every fibre of my body, but…" He tails off, trying to find the words to continue. "But."

Steve sits down on the couch next to Tony, sensing that something important is about to be said.

"But maybe it wasn't romance. Maybe it was passion and obsession and a desperate need for stability."

Taking a moment to think, Steve studies his friend's face, searching for honesty. Seemingly he finds it, as he replies with "Maybe so. What makes you say that?"

Time stops. Tony loses all the courage he had just moments ago, and scrambles to think of a way to cover his ass, to stop himself from making the mother of all confessions. He can't think of anything, too distracted by the man in front of him. "Nothing really," He says quickly, "just rambling. Sorry to cut the welcome back party short Cap, but I have some work to be getting on with. See you around, yeah? Yeah, around."

Before Steve can say another word, the flustered billionaire is rushing towards the elevator, asking JARVIS to take him to the workshop and lock it down.

Steve, despite popular belief, is not a fool when it comes to people. As much as the twenty-first century is difficult to navigate, when it comes to good old-fashioned friendship, he is pretty apt.

He is also well aware that what he and Tony have is not friendship.

Friendship is reading in a comfortable silence with Bruce, or learning to play video games with Clint (he is yet to win a single game of Mariokart against the archer).

What he and Tony have is unlike anything he's really experienced before. It's almost a combination of the wide-eyed wonder of his relationship with Peggy and the easy comfort of… whatever he and Bucky were. 

All he can think about now is that perhaps this is his chance at happiness. After losing so much, maybe he finally gets to _keep_ someone. And Steve really wants to keep Tony. Unfortunately, he just ran out of the room and locked himself in his workshop.

Steve sighs, and heads for his apartment; he really wants a bath to clear his mind.

For the first time in 47 days, Tony Stark doesn't try to bargain with the sun. Instead, he finds himself looking forward to the soft blanket of darkness, plans to take a glass of whiskey out onto the balcony. 

With Steve back, he doesn't feel quite so alone. The ever-present feeling of blank isolation subsides, leaving him with the quiet knowledge that he has friends in his teammates, and even more with Cap. 

Tonight, he does something different- he goes out to watch the sunset. It's 7:43 pm, and the autumn breeze chills his skin as the cool air of night seeps in. He'd never taken the time to watch the sun sink below the cityscape before, preferring to take solace in the comfort of the night. And, he thinks to himself, he wouldn't be out here tonight without the gentle prompt from his gentle friend.

And there he goes again, mind defaulting back to the Capsicle. No, to _Steve_ , with his wide-eyed wonder and eye-watering sarcasm. As the sun finally dips below the horizon, Tony has a realisation.

Steve is always coming to him.

The first night, on the balcony, where he arrived with sudden comfort and a slight fire in his eyes. Today, in his apartment, where the first friend Steve saw was _him_. Every other time when the supersoldier chases after Tony and his reckless moves in battle. Had Tony somehow managed to entirely overlook the possibility that Steve… wanted him too? 

This still isn’t a great idea, he knows. He only just lost Pepper and probably isn’t ready to jump headlong into something else that’ll break his heart. “God, this is going to hurt,” Tony starts to ramble, talking to the skyline, “but what doesn’t? When don’t I jump into ruthless, idiotic situations despite knowing it’s gonna kill me one day? C’mon stars, tell me one thing, is it worth it? Is it romance? I have all these questions that nobody’s ever gonna answer, and-”

“Don’t sound so sure.”

Steve came to him, again. That has to mean something. Tony turns to face him, unsure but determined.

“You always come to me. You know when to come and find me, God knows how. Why?”

Tony watches him take a moment to think about it; to compose himself and muster up the correct words. He straightens up and smiles softly.

“I’m no fool, Tony. I know interest when I see it. And… I know it when I feel it, too.”

Tony’s eyes snap up to meet Steve’s. Now he’s never really been one for highly-charged eye contact, but those gorgeous blue eyes have always secretly been his undoing. He struggles to find something appropriate to say, but the Stark name has rarely been associated with sensible.

“Huh.” He says eloquently, “Um. Interest, yes. Oh fuck it, hey Steve, can I be your boyfriend despite my current emotional instability? ‘Cause I really want to kiss you.”

Steve grins, and takes the two steps necessary to close the gap between them. “No.”

“Wh-what?” Tony panics, “Did I read this wrong? God I just made a pass on Captain America-”

Steve raises one eyebrow, and the genius immediately cuts himself off. “Let me finish,” he says, fond exasperation colouring his tone, “no, because I refuse to jump into this headfirst, as much as I may want to. You said it very eloquently yourself, you’re coming out of a relationship and it’s _going_ to hurt.” He pulls Tony into a warm hug. “I want you. But I also want to be more than a lovelorn rebound.”

"Hey! You're not-"

"Tony." Steve's serious tone shuts him up immediately. "You move so fast and you burn so brightly. Almost everything you do is on a whim so meticulous that it looks like it was planned a decade ago."

Tony grins and hangs his head in some strange combination of shame and amusement, as if to say _you got me._

"You've gotta let your heart catch up with that genius head of yours, or _we_ will rush and it won't end pretty. And the last thing I want is to burn out and die." 

Tony cuts in, "How about we burn out and die with passion?"

"I've seen that video, Tony. We're not supernovas, we're superheroes. And we're not going to burn out if I have anything to do with it." 

(Tony is secretly very impressed that Steve has seen the YouTube video.) 

"So what's the plan, Cap? You gonna lay out a plan of attack to get into bed with me?" Tony grins, a smile which turns dazzling when Steve shakes his head fondly.

"The plan, if you are willing, is to to ask you on a date. Would you like to go out to dinner with me?" He tries hard not to blush, but feels the heat creeping into his cheeks nevertheless.

"Oh, Steve!" Tony mock-gasps, one hand hovering in front of his mouth, the other clutching his chest. "I would be so honoured! I am so looking forward to being escorted by my knight in shining-"

Steve seemingly decided that the best way to shut him up is to kiss him, pressing his lips firmly against Tony's.

"-hnng." Was the only noise Tony could manage, seemingly left shocked by the sudden kiss but reciprocating quickly anyway.

He moved to deepen the kiss, chasing more of the high that is kissing those lips, but as soon as he tried Steve pulled back, causing Tony to make an undignified whine that he would vehemently deny ever making later.

"No. That's all you're getting until you go on that date." Steve stated firmly, and Tony groaned.

"Fine, but if I die of a kissing deficiency it's on you." Tony huffed, the smile on his lips completely weakening his words.

"Sure Tony, whatever you say. If you can prove that's a genuine condition, I'll consider changing my mind." 

"You're on."

"Wait, what?" Steve panics slightly, realising he may have just started something big.

"I'll prove it. JARVIS, start looking for some studies that vaguely resemble this. Steve, great chat, let me know when that date is my great warrior knight!"

Before Steve could utter a single protest, Tony is already in the elevator and heading for the lab.

"Sorry, JARVIS." Steve says, lightly admonishing himself for challenging Tony so blatantly.

"Don't worry, Captain Rogers. Someone would have provoked him eventually."

Steve is left standing on the balcony, faintly concerned about the future of kissing,Tony is wondering what statistics he can twist to get his mouth back on Steve's and JARVIS is pleased that his creator is no longer facing the world alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read! Please drop some kudos or a comment if you enjoyed my work. If there's anything you want me to write, hit me on Tumblr! (@natashova)


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